Every year, as the nightly temperatures slowly dip lower, as the humidity gently eases it’s hand off the accelerator, and as other hints of autumn serenely percolate through the northern hemisphere, a gathering much more powerful draws the masses to the hills of the countryside surrounding Rome. What draws these solemn, yet dedicated, hordes to the great city? Is it power? Money? Glory? Nay, they would answer, it is something much stronger....it is belief. Belief in their almighty god - Vulcan.
But this year is different. This year these pilgrims, this family, has something more to celebrate than just the festival that honors their god every year on August 23. This year, they celebrate a basketball team...a franchise on the rise. This year, they celebrate the Sons of Vulcan.
In return, the Sons of Vulcan have decided to dedicate Season 21 to the feast of Vulcan, also known as the Vulcanalia. Every year, the ancient worshippers would descend on Rome to honor their god with sacrifices of animals, lighting of candles, and hanging of laundry to show respect to the god’s power over fire and his ability to burn entire cities at the blink of an eye. To replicate past Vulcania festivals the team will add a ceremonial live animal sacrifice to their pre-game rituals by lighting a bonfire at half-court and having the flamen, or master of ceremonies, drop in a red bull-calf or red boar, depending on the day’s market price of the two animals. The ceremony will be interactive as the fans are welcomed to participate by tossing fish or small animals of their choice into the fire from their seats, as well as holding ceremonial candles. There will also be several all-fan giveaways when the fans will be highly encouraged to participate by being given a small mammal (mouse, rat, guinea pig, etc.) to toss into the flames. Fans have been warned not to bring deceased house pets for contribution, as the dead beasts may anger the god. Breaking this rule would result in an ejection from the game and a lifetime suspension of season tickets.
In his weekly interview, general manager Matt Wood mentioned the team’s season long activities. “Well, you know, we just have the feeling that this could be a really special season for us. That combined with the fact that we’d really like to draw in some more hardcore Sons fans, as well reaching out to the ‘ancients’ as we like to call the older fans of the god; we thought these festivities would draw a good mix.”
Players had a mixed reaction when asked about the season long dedication. Contributing point guard Niceto Santiago had this say: “Well, as a lifetime worshipper of Poseidon, I can’t participate if I ever want to go swimming or boating again ever in my life, but I wholly support recognizing our ancient gods and all they do for us.” Emotional leader of the team, Aaron Yancey, stated, “Hell yeah, this is great. I love it. It will get us even more jazzed up for each game. I like fishing in my free time, so I’m considering bringing a trout or two each week, especially if it raises my ppg by about five points.” Yancey’s partner in crime, Nelson Calloway said, “Is this one of those parties where we all get naked and dance around? If it is, then count me in. Count me in big time.”
When questioned about the unorthodox, and seemingly beastial ceremonies, a PETA representative ignorantly responded, “When in the sam hell is BuzzerBeater?”
In other news, when asked about the team’s marquee week one matchup against the hated rival Moose Guys, recently signed center Inigo Nieto had this cryptic comment, “Anton Matyushev, my name is Inigo Nieto. You killed my father. Prepare to die. My name is Inigo Nieto. You killed my father. Prepare to die. My name is...”
Last edited by Woodman at 8/23/2012 5:47:31 AM