USA 108 - Switzerland 116
The Season 23 U21 team got off to an auspicious start, losing their first scrimmage to Switzerland. The trip was a disaster from beginning to end. Upon arrival, fewmit called a staff meeting to discuss tactics and strategy. He and training consultant Rhyminsimon got into a heated debate over whether it would be smart to run an outside offense,while Jfarb sat in the back stroking his Cup Trophy, and telling it how much he loved it. New team equipment manager Tough was kicked out of the meeting when he suggested a French Patient. This staff may not agree on much, but they do all share a livid and completely unwarranted hate of the French. Tough is still recovering in the hospital after a brick hit him in the temple on his way out. Reports that I threw the brick are unconfirmed and cannot be proven in court. The meeting wrapped up soon afterward, when Magiker stood up and said "You know, when I was manager...", at which point there was a rush to the door. Jfarb went back to Canada to continue his sabotage campaign there, and I called my lawyer. Just to check in.
The calamity continued on the court Sunday, where the Swiss, despite refusing to declare which side they were on for most of the first quarter, jumped out to an early lead and never looked back. Most of their dominance stemmed from their incredible versatility. It seemed as if all of them could do it all. Shoot, defend, rebound, open wine bottles, file nails, slice things, floss...you name it they could do it.
Around the third quarter, Fewmit began crying, to which Magiker was heard muttering, "Is he crying? I never cried when I was coach...but then again I never lost either...."
When all was said and done, the USA was dealt an 8 point loss. Lonnie Himes played a terrible game, going 3-15 from three and scoring two buckets for the Swiss after being confused by their incredible kindness and stunning good looks. The lone bright spots were The Ginger Twins at small forward. Anaya and McMullen both had productive games, mostly caused by their opponent's unwillingness to go anywhere near them. I would have interviewed them post game, but frankly they sort of creep me out too.
We'll keep you posted on the team throughout this Worlds run!
-Yeppers