[MURRAY, KY] – The management of GigaVirus Basketball would like to clarify recent rumors regarding our operational status. We are not "rebuilding." We are not "tanking." We are simply running a high-volatility stress test on the rest of Division III.3.
Head Coach Brojira has officially authorized the transition to Phase: Asymmetric Warfare.
"In a league dominated by towering monolithic centers and payrolls that rival small nations, GV refuses to play by the established rules of engagement," said the Office of the Assistant Manager. "We do not seek to match our opponents' height. We seek to match their annoyance levels until they voluntarily sub themselves out."
The "Cesspool" Protocol Our home arena, "The Cesspool," is operating at peak hostility. Visiting teams are reminded that the atmospheric conditions inside the facility are designed to optimize GV efficiency and degrade opponent morale. The air conditioning is binary (Off/Arctic), and the rims have been calibrated to be unforgiving to anyone with a salary over $25K.
"We are turning 'Home Court Advantage' into 'Home Court Hazard,'" Coach Brojira noted. "If you come to Murray, bring your own oxygen and perhaps a packed lunch. Our concession stand is currently undergoing a strict biological audit following the 'Fernandez Incident.'"
Tactical Fluidity Critics have called our playbook "schizophrenic." We prefer the term "algorithmically diverse." Whether we are pounding the paint or sprinting down the floor in a frantic Run and Gun, the objective remains the same: Maximum Efficiency, Minimum Comfort.
We are not here to win beauty contests. We are here to drag the game into deep water and see who can tread it the longest.
To The League: Do not look at our roster and assume safety. We are the error code in your scouting report. We are the blue screen of death on your championship run.
GigaVirus is live. Update your definitions of "dub"
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Media Contact: Office of Strategic Operations GigaVirus Basketball