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GV Bball: System Update v.71 – "The Bug Is A Feature"
Posted on 2/7/2026
[MURRAY, KY] – The management of GigaVirus Basketball would like to clarify recent rumors regarding our operational status. We are not "rebuilding." We are not "tanking." We are simply running a high-volatility stress test on the rest of Division III.3.
Head Coach Brojira has officially authorized the transition to Phase: Asymmetric Warfare.
"In a league dominated by towering monolithic centers and payrolls that rival small nations, GV refuses to play by the established rules of engagement," said the Office of the Assistant Manager. "We do not seek to match our opponents' height. We seek to match their annoyance levels until they voluntarily sub themselves out."
The "Cesspool" Protocol Our home arena, "The Cesspool," is operating at peak hostility. Visiting teams are reminded that the atmospheric conditions inside the facility are designed to optimize GV efficiency and degrade opponent morale. The air conditioning is binary (Off/Arctic), and the rims have been calibrated to be ...
