Milwaukee, WI (LNL) -- Prior to tip-off, the Lethargy had given up a conference low 704 points through 12 contests, more than 300 less than the next best defense. But they had also scored a league low 955 points. With a record of 8-4 they went on the road to play the Death Star... where, as the Lethargy GM alleged, crunch-time "shenanigans" & other "dastardly acts" occurred.
"Something didn't seem right.", said starting SF Fred Sisk, better known as 'the $13k man'. "They was a runnin 'n a gunnin', but not at no normal level. It was to the extreme, yo. They seemed to be trying really hard." Sisk added, "I told them to chill. And they said no. It was rather impolite & churlish dawg. The opposing coach even made a derogatory comment about rapper Coolio. Not cool."
But what exactly happened? Explained bench-warmer Sam Mills, "There's 3 things the Lethargy don't like: being on the road, aerobic exercise & trying. And the Death Star employed all 3. Illegally in my opinion."
Was it in fact illegal? Opinions vary, but it turns out the Death Star employed a dastardly foreign concept known as 'crunch time'. Combined with their hostile fans it simply overwhelmed the Lethargy coach, causing him to suffer a minor stroke according to unnamed sources. His judgment was definitely impaired: The starting SF was moved to PG under a minute into the game & later to center. 3 different centers played at SF vs. a RNG offense. The 4th string PG played PF in a non-blowout!
It was all very chaotic to say the least. The Milwaukee GM was forced to call "shenanigans" & panicked at the disco. "I had no choice", the GM replied by telegraph.
But in the midst of all this something happened. Something extraordinary. Sam Mills brought out a shoebox tape recorder, popped in a Will Smith cassette tape & told the team to, "forget about winning". He pressed play & told the team simply to, "get jiggy with it".
Having scored over 70 points only twice on the road previously, the Lethargy proceeded to do the unimaginable. Not only did they top the 70 point mark, but they went on to torch the opposition for a jaw-dropping *84 points*. A DII road scoring record for Milwaukee in the face of extreme adversity & possible illegality.
Even malcontent center Pedro Gutierrez got caught up in the moment. His 6th foul occurred as a result of accidentally elbowing an opposing player -- all in a valiant attempt to get jiggy with it he later admitted. At the ensuing stoppage in play he loudly bellowed, "Honey honey don't lie, D-K-N-Y!", dancing his way off the floor to the bench.
Some say there *are* no moral victories. Those people are communists. Because this wasn't the type of thing you see every day. Or week. Or year. This was a once in a Will-enium occurrence. The Lethargy got jiggy with it. Period. End of story.
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2011 LNL (Lethargy News Ltd.).
Last edited by shikago at 2/27/2011 10:15:52 AM