All Press Releases

Eclypze Announcer Suffers Seizure Trying to Pronounce Names

02/25/2014  1 replies    

Steve Williams Terrorizing Cup Opponents

01/10/2014  0 replies    

Despite Poor Start, Smedlock Insists Future is Bright

10/13/2013  0 replies    

Fans Accuse Eugene Smith of Ballhogging in Playoff Loss

05/31/2013  1 replies    

Elar Hell Breaks Loose

01/03/2013  2 replies    

Eugene Smith Emerging As a Superstar

08/17/2012  3 replies    

Bulgarian Imports Seek to Make Big Impact

04/28/2012  1 replies    

14,000 Fans Turn Out at The Q to Watch Exciting Duo

03/10/2012  0 replies    

New Rookie Joins Team

02/06/2012  4 replies    

Connie Mcintyre Changes Jersey Number

02/01/2012  0 replies    

Back to the Drawing Board

01/24/2012  5 replies    

Super Team Assembled; Let the Winning Commence

11/07/2011  2 replies    

Eclypze Trounced by Underdog Team in Playoffs

10/26/2011  2 replies    

The Nemesis Inducted into Eclypze Hall of Fame

08/10/2011  4 replies    

Forward Search Update

08/03/2011  0 replies    

Smedlock Looks to Acquire Star Forward

07/30/2011  0 replies    

Team Looks to Regroup After Disappointing Playoff Loss

07/23/2011  0 replies    

The Nemesis Decides to Take His Talents to South Beach

05/25/2011  4 replies    

Smedlock Answers Charges of Cult-Like Practices at Training Center

05/09/2011  1 replies    

Connie McIntyre Puts Up Huge Stats in Season 15

04/13/2011  4 replies    

Fans Very Excited About New Player to Join Team

03/01/2011  0 replies    

Terrible Performance By Team Against the Tornados

02/23/2011  0 replies    

Eclypze Owner Shifts Gears Again

02/15/2011  0 replies    

Fans Exasperated At Owner Selling Off Players Again

02/10/2011  2 replies    

Eclypze Wins Title; Nemesis Wins MVP

01/11/2011  1 replies    

The Nemesis Reacts to All-Star Snub By Blowing Up for 42 Points!

11/28/2010  0 replies    

Australian Superstar Adam Laulala Joins Eclypze

11/09/2010  0 replies    

Farewell Juan Kern

10/24/2010  0 replies    

Serial Eyebrow Shaver on the Loose!

10/13/2010  1 replies    

Who Shaved Kern's Eyebrows?

09/20/2010  0 replies    

Rookie Nemesio Xermade Beasting Over the Competition

09/07/2010  2 replies    

Eclypze Files Lawsuit Against Eugene Register Guard

09/01/2010  0 replies    

Horacio Attacks Rookie With a Knife, Sent off to Finland

08/10/2010  2 replies    

Eclypze Wins The Trophy!

06/30/2010  0 replies    

Spiritual Guru From India Hired as Trainer

05/29/2010  0 replies    

Horacio Requests Trade

05/01/2010  0 replies    

Star Rookie Horacio Unites with Long Lost Brother Barbu

03/05/2010  7 replies    

Press Announcements

Bulgarian Imports Seek to Make Big Impact

On a recent whore mongering vacation to Sofia, Bulgaria, team owner Smedlock broke out the check book and signed two of his local drinking buddies Ivo Kostov (6919512) and Milko Niklev (7812633). These two 30 year olds constitute nearly 40% of the payroll and are expected to make a big impact on the team over the next couple of seasons.

Asked about the move, Smedlock had this to say: "nobody likes to sign Bulgarian basketball players because people think they are all raging alcoholics. These two players had amazing skills and have had great careers yet I was able to sign them for a measly 500K combined. As long as they produce on the court, they can drink a gallon of vodka every night for all I care. And besides, Connie McIntyre will be very happy with the new acquisitions. He'll be drinking the good stuff with these guys, no more homemade hooch fermented in rusty drums at his shack under the bridge."

Last edited by smedlock at 4/28/2012 4:34:18 PM

Last edited by smedlock at 4/28/2012 4:36:48 PM

Last edited by smedlock at 4/28/2012 4:37:15 PM
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By: INA-thylacine_646
To: smedlock 		239525.2 as reply to 239525.1
04/28/2012 17:16:09
This is too funny! See you in quarters

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