All Press Releases

Eclypze Announcer Suffers Seizure Trying to Pronounce Names

02/25/2014  1 replies    

Steve Williams Terrorizing Cup Opponents

01/10/2014  0 replies    

Despite Poor Start, Smedlock Insists Future is Bright

10/13/2013  0 replies    

Fans Accuse Eugene Smith of Ballhogging in Playoff Loss

05/31/2013  1 replies    

Elar Hell Breaks Loose

01/03/2013  2 replies    

Eugene Smith Emerging As a Superstar

08/17/2012  3 replies    

Bulgarian Imports Seek to Make Big Impact

04/28/2012  1 replies    

14,000 Fans Turn Out at The Q to Watch Exciting Duo

03/10/2012  0 replies    

New Rookie Joins Team

02/06/2012  4 replies    

Connie Mcintyre Changes Jersey Number

02/01/2012  0 replies    

Back to the Drawing Board

01/24/2012  5 replies    

Super Team Assembled; Let the Winning Commence

11/07/2011  2 replies    

Eclypze Trounced by Underdog Team in Playoffs

10/26/2011  2 replies    

The Nemesis Inducted into Eclypze Hall of Fame

08/10/2011  4 replies    

Forward Search Update

08/03/2011  0 replies    

Smedlock Looks to Acquire Star Forward

07/30/2011  0 replies    

Team Looks to Regroup After Disappointing Playoff Loss

07/23/2011  0 replies    

The Nemesis Decides to Take His Talents to South Beach

05/25/2011  4 replies    

Smedlock Answers Charges of Cult-Like Practices at Training Center

05/09/2011  1 replies    

Connie McIntyre Puts Up Huge Stats in Season 15

04/13/2011  4 replies    

Fans Very Excited About New Player to Join Team

03/01/2011  0 replies    

Terrible Performance By Team Against the Tornados

02/23/2011  0 replies    

Eclypze Owner Shifts Gears Again

02/15/2011  0 replies    

Fans Exasperated At Owner Selling Off Players Again

02/10/2011  2 replies    

Eclypze Wins Title; Nemesis Wins MVP

01/11/2011  1 replies    

The Nemesis Reacts to All-Star Snub By Blowing Up for 42 Points!

11/28/2010  0 replies    

Australian Superstar Adam Laulala Joins Eclypze

11/09/2010  0 replies    

Farewell Juan Kern

10/24/2010  0 replies    

Serial Eyebrow Shaver on the Loose!

10/13/2010  1 replies    

Who Shaved Kern's Eyebrows?

09/20/2010  0 replies    

Rookie Nemesio Xermade Beasting Over the Competition

09/07/2010  2 replies    

Eclypze Files Lawsuit Against Eugene Register Guard

09/01/2010  0 replies    

Horacio Attacks Rookie With a Knife, Sent off to Finland

08/10/2010  2 replies    

Eclypze Wins The Trophy!

06/30/2010  0 replies    

Spiritual Guru From India Hired as Trainer

05/29/2010  0 replies    

Horacio Requests Trade

05/01/2010  0 replies    

Star Rookie Horacio Unites with Long Lost Brother Barbu

03/05/2010  7 replies    

Press Announcements

Who Shaved Kern's Eyebrows?

A mysterious incident occured last Saturday night. After a home game versus the New Haven Chargers the entire Eclypze team went out to party at a local nightclub. Team veteran Juan Kern was ready to party as the season was over and he could drink as much as we wanted too. Well Kern drank too much, so much so that he vomited and blacked out in the middle of the night club. The Nemesis had this to say about it:

"The ladies were all over Juan. He's been with the team for a long time so he's got a huge following around town and apparently he's known as quite the lady's man. He had chicks coming up to him and buying him drinks left and right and he was just having a good old time. Then before you know it Juan was pissed drunk, stumbling all over the place. It wasn't long before he blacked out. Connie Mcintyre was supposed to take him home but Irving Patterson claimed one of Kern's groupies was hitting on Connie so he ditched Kern leaving him in a puddle of vomit. After that no one saw Kern until the next day. Kern has no memory of what happened that night but he woke up with a horrific hangover and his eyebrows shaved. Kern is pretty pissed off about losing his eyebrows and we have been trying to figure out who did it."

It is not known who shaved Kern's eyebrows but team president Smedlock stated that it better not be one his players, "we don't tolerate that kind of behavior around here. If one of Kern's teammates shaved his eyebrows while he was drunk I won't hesistate in shipping that player off to play in Finland just like I did Horacio."

Last edited by smedlock at 9/20/2010 9:34:09 PM
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